Vines Gone Wild

I don't remember which variety of pumpkin plant this is. All I know is that, compared to the others, this plant and its twin have grown thicker, healthier looking vines that spread more quickly and, though they've been the last to develop any female flowers, those flowers are bearing fruit that seems to grow more rapidly. My guess is that it's all about the location. Happy roots for happy vines that produce happy pumpkins. In this particular case, one of those vines shot right through the chain-link fence and started growing a fruit on the other side. I had to gently reroute the end of the vine back through the fence and brace it with a stake. Two or three days later, the vine had fully accepted this new plan and the stake was no longer needed. In about a week the fruit on the outside of the fence had swollen considerably and there was a new foot or so of length on the inside of the fence. That new length already has two baby fruits on it. I expect lots of viable pumpkins from this plant. I'm not quite as diligent about hand-pollinating as I was earlier in the month, but the honey bees have finally made an appearance, and they've been picking up the slack. We've implemented a redundancy system. It's very synergistic and shit.

Here you can see the yellow fruit growing just outside the chain-link.

This vine now has an upper level growing in the opposite direction.

The new growth already includes a pair of tiny baby fruits.

The other plants tend to have only one fruit apiece. Again, I'm pretty sure the location, specifically the quality of the soil in that location, is making all the difference. Those fruits are all older than the yellow bulging babies on the vines gone wild pictured above. Happily, the oldest are all a lovely dark green that is starting to turn orange! For a first-time pumpkin grower such as myself, this is very exciting. You know, 'cause pumpkins are generally supposed to be orange. So, orange must be a good sign, yes?

One of my biggest babies. I know, not very impressive. Still, it's an achievement for me!

Loooook! A little orange pumpkin!

The healthiest fruit so far. Nice, consistent coloration. Just no orange ... yet.

Grow, baby, grow!

One Tidy Spot ... Just For Now

I wanted to show you a wide shot, and this is the best that I can offer ... for now.

Just for now, just in this one spot as framed by the camera, things are rather neat and tidy. It's nothing spectacular, just a bit of garden bed containing one very happy hydrangea, a potted catnip with an itty-bitty baby japanese maple unexpectedly sharing the pot, a couple of sedge grasses, some just-sheared columbines, and a recently acquired pair of hollies still in their nursery pot. The lawn has been mowed down to a respectable height and, in this one corner at least, edged with scissors. The result is not ultimately the look that I want for this spot of garden, but it is at least somewhat tidy. It's like having an ugly kitchen, but a clean kitchen. It may not be everything that I want it to be, but it's presentable. Good enough for this perfectionist.

The rest of the property is another story entirely.

And so it is necessary that I am content with this one tidy spot ... just for now.

A garden is never finished.

Everyday I'm Pollinatin'

... except today.
Dude, where all da ladies at?

Douchebag pumpkin flower in da house.

Who's your daddy???

My diligent, daily pollinating program is granting me gourd rewards! (Don't you just hate gratuitous alliteration?)

Back in March I planted three different varieties of pumpkin seed (that I managed to leave unlabeled). Now that they're all sexually mature, I've been cross-pollinating them as many different ways that I can (again, without labeling any of them as to the baby-daddy). The three varieties are Small Sugar, Jack O'Lantern and Big Max. I'm hoping to get some good-eatin' pumpkins as well as some large, well-shaped ones for carving. If I manage to identify a thoroughbred Big Max baby, I may just remove his siblings from that vine and grow him as big as I can. I won't get a prize-winning pumpkin, but I could get a neighborhood freak-show pumpkin. Fun!

When you're all growed up, you can go on Jerry and find out who you daddy is.

For now, I'll just keep on pimpin.
... Except for today, 'cause, ya know. Not enough ladies, too many mans.

... and why are all these other guys naked? Wait, is this one of those gay clubs?!

Pumpkin Fucking

Makin' babies.

... is totally anti-climactic.

Also, kinda dirty. That's my fault, though. I was a clumsy pumpkin hand-job virgin. I managed to soil the flower a bit. These things happen.

The pumpkin plants don't care, though. It's all about procreation for them. Otherwise, I would have felt really bad about snipping off the male flower's stamen with a pair of pruning shears.

Wish us a healthy baby pumpkin!

... so that someday I can slice it open, rip out its innards and bake it in a pie.

99 Percent Perspiration

Early this morning I was slouched in a cushy chair in my living room, peering blurry-eyed into space while I sipped at a steaming mug of fresh coffee. You know, because I'm one of those people who don't even count as human until they've had their coffee. Suddenly, my vision was filled with a bright, hot light. It was as though a 500 watt halogen lamp had been switched on right outside my house and was shining neatly through one of the small windows in my front door—directly into my startled face. Apparently, in that moment, the sun had finally surmounted the hill of trees that is my eastern horizon.

ME: Good morning, Sun. I expect you're planning on cooking the shit out of us today, just like you did yesterday.

SUN: I, SOL, GOD OF THE GALAXY, CREATOR AND DESTROYER OF WORLDS, CELESTIAL GIVER AND TAKER OF LIFE, WILL MELT THE TENDER FLESH RIGHT OFF YOUR SAD LITTLE HUMAN BONES.

ME: Yeah, that's what I thought.

The morning pretty much ended right then. It may as well have been two o' clock instead of half past six. In only a few precious minutes the temperature in the room had climbed alarmingly. I soon found myself setting aside my hot coffee. By seven o' clock, I was sweating.

I poured the rest of the coffee over ice.

Work is hard. Play is fun. Gardening is both. On scorching-hot days like this one, though, there's not a lot of gardening fun to be had that doesn't involve an air-conditioned room and a cold drink. Basically, it's hell out there. Unfortunately, my house lacks air-conditioning, so it's hell in here, too. And, without the cold air, the cold drink doesn't seem to help much. I have been sweating my ass off.

So, I figure that as long as I'm already wet and disgusting, I may as well get some stuff accomplished in the hot-n-muggy, itchy-dirty land of weeds that is my yard. I've been popping outside every few hours to snip at the grass with scissors or to poke at the dirt with a trowel. I got a few little things done. Mostly, though, I just sweated bucketfuls.

"Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration."

—Thomas Edison

I've got the perspiration. Now, for the inspiration.

Much of the time that I spent indoors was lavished on web-based research. Just another day, in that respect. I also pulled out the old copy of Garden Gate magazine that my grandmother gave me. I very rarely read magazines, mostly because the ads drive me nuts, and with most of the mags that I've come across, if you strip away the ads there's not much decent content left. Anyway, this mag had content that I found really helpful—and with no ads. What an enjoyable read! I just went ahead and signed up for a free preview issue and (since you always have to agree to a paid subscription to get the free issue) checked "Bill me later." Hooray for the "Bill me later" box! I'm so glad that magazines still operate that way. I felt more comfortable just giving this publisher my name and mailing address than I usually feel when I create an online account with some major retailer offering a loyalty program.

Thanks to that magazine and the internets, I've got some new garden design ideas rattling around in my head. Perhaps soon I will be using the design portion of my gardening journal.

Sooooo... How's the weather where you are?